On Change. And a Juicy Decision.
Humble shipping, my decision to move, and reflecting on emotional intelligence.
Hey guys,
This week’s Life Notes is again too wordy, and has again taken too much time, and is sub-edited (time’s up). And so you are invited to just swipe right with your busy lives. You don’t have to read this!
But, I had to post it, just with the importance of continuing to ‘ship’ (albeit three days late again)…to keep building the muscle, to keep doing something I said I was going to do.
The good news is that the importance of this habit has now settled in, for good I feel, and so from here I’ll solve for how getting this shipped in a much briefer format and with less time dissolving to tapping away at a computer in a rich and important period of ‘unproductivity’!
So, I spent the week in San Francisco, surfing every day but one (finally!), and with another lovely summer wedding this weekend. Further slow progress in my deliciously ‘behind schedule’ period-off, as I’ve been describing it to others…with a gentle smirk.
Reflecting on nearly three months now of Rumspringa, I’d call it a process of slow Whackamole. By that I mean taking a mallet to every single thing that has been on my mind over recent years (picture, to explain this word). Examples include:
surf more (alive and kicking, finally)
cull my overgrown book collection (done!)
clean up my blog (done)
get back to more routine weight-lifting (going nicely)
get on top of my National Academy of Sports Medicine’s continuous education requirement that comes with having qualified as a Certified Personal Trainer ‘for fun’ in 2020 during the pandemic (I’ve chosen a nutrition certificate, and loving it)
learn to freedive with (starting this week…)
review finances, and make a plan (next…)
visit some places I feel I should I have already seen in my twelve years in San Francisco: mainland Mexico (done) and Hawaii (October!)
Move or stay put for another year at 3044 Webster Street, my home of 12 years…(decided, and the focus of this week’s notes).
Without these things being squeezed into evenings, or competing for attention on weekends, you can relaxedly sift through each, in your own time in what is really a process of reviewing and reflecting on what is ‘for real’ for you, and what is an idea that can be put to rest. And too, I’ve been saying yes to every friend suggesting coffee where I’ve been out of touch for a while, and every visitor coming through town.
On Change. A Juicy Decision.
Rumspringa featured a first meaty decision, these last ten days.
After first mention of a fortuitous opportunity to move - and one that is helpful for a period of no income - I wanted to make a decision. Whether to 'Stick or twist' with the wonderful home I've lived in since March 2011, 3044 Webster Street, with the good fortune and financial 'safety' I have of rent control.
Or, to move, and say yes to a timely opportunity that has come up through a great friend locally.
The San Francisco Rent Control regulation means that for apartment buildings built before June 1979, the rent increase is limited and regulated (determined by the San Francisco Rent Control Board using an inflation index). So, I've enjoyed significantly 'less than market' rent for 12 years.
Why would you give that up?
Well an opportunity has come up. A couple that are great friends of mine have a complicated set of factors after moving to London, meaning that they've offered me a very kind "mates rate" to move into their (beautiful) apartment up the road.
But, it's more that for years now I've woken up staring at the same ceiling and thinking: 'I'm going mad, I need change'. It's simply 'not me' to live in the same place for so long. I'm a great believer that so much of the juice in life is in the jump and jive of change, and new experiences, and new momentums. And, while continuity has a whole other value that is to be respected, part of you stagnates in the holding on. And so, you need to consider this 'dial' carefully.
A pair of conversations, from a number of years ago, came back to mind. Really, they are a tale of two totally different mindsets. And the juice sits in thinking how their lives may play out, as a result of their different attitude. And, these last few weeks gave the choice to pick between them.
One was in a bar down in the Mission, randomly chatting with an older man. He was a long-timer in San Francisco, over thirty years from memory. And he shared that his rent was something relatively miniscule by today's rents, around $300-$400 because of the rent control over that period. (against perhaps an average of $4000-5000 today for a two-bedroom apartment in that area).
Naturally, you might immediately think "bloody hell, lucky bugger" hearing of the good financial fortune of that rent. A little part of me had that thought. But the other chap in my head jumped in with an immediate retort of: "my god, how many interesting decisions did you not take in your life for the sake of saving some money?".
And then there was a couple I met once, who had made a life rule to move every two years. They'd lived in six different neighborhoods in San Francisco. And, it was fascinating talking with them about their experience of the city through so many different lenses. Though too you would not settle into a community and build local relationships in the same way with all that moving around.
I made the decision this week, and then I woke up one night at 2.37am (do you always remember the time you woke up, if something wakes you up...?!) with this decision chuntering away in my head. "Are you crazy?" the middle-of-the-night insecure chap was muttering, as he reflected on giving up the financial safety.
But the next day, and since, I've sat with the simple principle on which I've made the decision.
It’s my belief in how change is healthy, energizing and invigorating, and important in keeping a certain momentum in life. I'm a fan of 'life rules'. Not as some 'rigid' dictum to live by, but in helping you prioritize within our very fortunate affluent lives that are abundant in choices*
And, the one I made at 35, to 'always live by the ocean' is a nice example of the principle at work. It may sound a little 'serious' (as Dad would say to me!) having 'life rules', but really it's a silly game to force a joust between things that are important to you. While 'keep the options open' is making choices defensively the sentiment of 'this is exactly what I want' is going on the attack, with all the additional energy (and so likelihood of ‘success’) that that brings.
The point is provoking the joust, and then making quick but considered decisions.
Kevin Kelly is a technologist and futurist and very, very interesting man, who has just released a new book entitled Excellent Advice for Living, about which he writes “I’ve been jotting down bits of advice I wished I had known earlier in my life, and then sharing them with my children. Each one is like a tweet — a wisdom tweet.”
Having bought a few weeks back on Kindle, it was fun to open up one page and see the same ‘life rule’ as suggested by a very wise and interesting man who is somewhat of an intellectual hero for me…
Huzzah to that, and a decision made…
On Emotional Intelligence
There are a few columnists and podcast shows where you have this slither of looking-forward-to-that-day, the day of the week when a new column/episode will drop. Janan Ganesh in the FT is in that category, and too Kara Swisher and Scott Galloway in the weekly (tech-centric) news podcast Pivot (Tuesdays and Fridays).
Janan Ganesh writes societal and political commentary that is insightful, seasoned with delicious turns of phrase, and with shrewd cultural observations, I find. Janan loves to point out glaring truths that few would say, with an observational intelligence rather than the tone of a rant or preacher on a soap box.
Last week's The Truth About Emotional Intelligence resonated. Living in California, we’re swimming in a culture of ‘nice’. And San Francisco is a parish in which virtue signaling - and sometimes the attitude of moral aloofness over precision in observations of ‘what’s really going on’ - is a well-attended church.
In the article Ganesh writes:
There is no correlation between outward goodness and psychological acumen. You can be an emotionally intelligent bastard. You can be an emotionally tin-eared and uncomprehending sweetie. If the first type of person doesn’t get their due, that is no great loss to the world. But the over-promotion of the second type, the attribution of an almost mystical power called EQ to those who are just nice, or wet, seems riskier.
I’d add one important point. We’re in an era where imprecision in language is getting more and more problematic. And, it’s a huge feature of the culture and identity ‘wars’. Listen to how often, in America, where something will be called racist when in fact the situation is not a response to the colour of someone’s skin, but more their behaviour on another factor that coincides but is not the cause of the issue.
On a tangential note relating to social trends, I enjoyed hearing a small company entrepreneur this week being asked what he thought about the 'woke mind virus' trend. And the response that he relished it, since it is rendering more and more people uncompetitive, and so providing more and more opportunity.
Had To Share…
I spent last Thursday evening taking a business acquaintance, now friend, on a driving tour of San Francisco. I made a short post from the email I’d sent suggesting the idea, a way I love to introduce people to San Francisco, the city and landscape we live in. A Driving Tour of San Francisco.
A friend told me about The Sabbatical Project.
David Perell writes an brilliant guide on Writing with Chat GPT. I follow David having been part of Write of Passage school in 2021 during my sabbatical.
And finally, middle-ageing athlete reminds you that Ability to sit and rise from the floor as a predictor of all-cause mortality (National Library of Medicine).
Insights on how Sam Bankman-Fried is faring in jail, together with fascinating comments on the realities of jail, and how they, like all other cuts of society, feature humans falling into castes and tribes. Caution: it might be that this whole post is from a parody account, I’m well aware of that, but don’t think so.
Well said…
I keep a log of quotations that resonated on my X feed (formerly known as Twitter).
This week’s favorite….
"Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer, since to remain constantly at work will cause you to lose power of judgment." - Leonardo Da Vinci